Happy late mothers day!
Mood:  smelly
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2012-05-18 

Happy late mothers day mom.  I miss you still and so wish I had you here with me.  As immature as it sounds I can't help but feel like Jim not only robbed me of time with you as a teen by making me call before coming up to see you from our apartment and him not really liking kids as he never had any of his own.  I feel that he took away years of your life. He robbed me of time I would have had with you as an adult by having you participate in one of his plans and ideas of how to make money.  West works recycling. Recycling those 55 gallon drums and cleaning them out with gasket remover without a respirator mask or even proper air ventilation with fans. Nope he just sometimes opened the door. On the gasket remover it even said in the state of calif its known to cause cancer in rats and have serious birth defects after prolonged use.  I guess it's just another way that guy cheated me out of you. He said horrible things to me about you. Not horrible but hurtful that I never told you. 

Sure wish you could have spent more time with the boys  or even meet Haden.  He is quite remarkable. They are so a like and yet so different. Ethan is always so externally tough like he never hurts yet he has a sadness about him that he's never shared. I don't know if I have caused it or Tim has or if maybe it the uncertainy in our lives. He is sensitive though but you can't let on that you know. He's 14.  He is quiet and just watches  he kind of protects me i think  he is thoughtful and worries about me.   Haden is mr sensitive. He is almost 8. Has really only girls for friends.  He has always liked girls (grills) so it's no fun to try to tease about that. In fact he has helped try to embarrass Ethan about girls.  (I know I'm cruel). Iif I raise my voice or talk stern to Haden he immediately will start crying. And really crying like I hurt his feelings or he is scared. I hate that because I yell a lot just cuz I get excited or something. He just almost squirms in his seat wanting to get away so I don't see the big round tears about to spill from his eyes. Haden is very sweet and friendly. He is not shy although you think he will be. He has a loud voice if he wants to be heard and isnt afraid to meet anyone. He often has a one track mind that CANNOT be derailed. He is smart smart smart   Wish I could take credit but really Tim and I don't deserve such good kids. We are really lucky. Wish I could say its the parenting skills but it's not.