whats next
Mood:  not sure

FINALLY got the internet here so I signed onto my mothers site again and reviewed it.  I sure do miss her.  I guess I am a little angry that it seems like everyone has forgotten her and no one gives a damn.  I suppose to an outside observer I look like that too, I didn't even make it for her memorial; what kind of daughter am I?  No matter who is here or gone the earth still spins and the sun still shines, ...for now. 

I wish I believed in heaven.  It would be so much easier.  One thing, I don't understand about the whole heaven idea:  If one is married and then their mate dies and they remarry; when its all over and everyone meets up again in heaven isn't there going to be a slight love triangle in that equation?

Another thing:  Heaven is supposed to be happy, joyful, peaceful etc...right?  You aren't supposed to feel unhappy or sadness right?  Well what happens if someone you love doesn't end up there?  Do you forget select things or people from when you were alive?  What happens if everyone you love isn't in heaven?  I understand that first and foremost our love is supposed to be for our creator, but will we have no need for companionship?  The same goes for religions that believe in everlasting life, do you just pretend those whom didn't make it never existed? 

I just wish I could have the truth about LIFE and death.  I wish I could have strong enough faith to KNOW the truth and follow it.

Thats just my thougths for tonight.  Good night Mom, I love you. 

January 23, 2008
Mood:  d'oh

00:45:04

2008-01-23

I should be packing as we are to be moved out of here tomorrow.  But I am not.  I hate moving.  We don't really know where we are even going, I wrote a check today to a storage company to store all our stuff.  We can move to Ethan's grandparents house but I really don't want to do that.  ahhhh, it just really sucks.  I never thought at 29 this is where I would be in life. 

I can't help but to be jelous when I see people I used to know and their lives are going good cuz mine is not.

Mother

Happy Mothers Day MOM!

Its a day late but I was oh so sick on Mothers Day I didn't even leave my bed.  So sorry my mothers day wish to you is late, but afterall its Katie. 

 My thoughts were with you on mothers day.  I was thinking back to last mothers day when I talked to you on the phone and you said everything was looking good.  You said your back still hurt but everything else seemed to be going well. 

You didn't ever want us to be bothered by your pain and you probably felt like if you didn't believe it, it wasn't really real.  I wish you would have let us know sooner because then maybe I could have better prepared myself for the loss of you. 

Somedays I am so angry, the world keeps spinning and the sun keeps rising like nothing ever happend; and that makes me mad!  Because for me, something has changed, I am missing a big piece of me that I can never get again.  I can't ever ask you, who you took to prom.  I can't ever ask you to watch my kids for the weekend,  I can never ask if you were ever proud of me.  I can never ask for your help. 

I think of you every day mom.  Everyday I drive through the country and see different camp sites or places Dad would take us, whether you actually enjoyed those times or not, I think of you.  I think of the day trips into the country we would take.  We would pack cooler full of food for lunch, pack the dogs into the back of the truck, and of chorse pack the green "stanley" coffee thermos(later to be dumped and filled with pepsi, which never did taste quite right). 

I wish I could get even one of those days back, just to be close to you.     I  LOVE YOU MOM,   

Happy Mothers Day.   Katie 

Memories

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The first memory I have of my mother is when we lived in Missouri.  I was probably about 2 or 3 and I was sitting in a chair listening to bible story tapes.  She picked me up and sat me in her lap and started reading me a story.